Parents and Children Relationship, What Can Parents Do to Help?
Bringing up a child is no simple task. However, you have only one opportunity to rear your child. Which way is best?
Below, we will consider 10 important questions that parents need to consider to enable them better equipped to carry out their role successfully as parents. Analyzing those questions will help improve the parents and children relationship.
Do Not Parents Show Love by Feeding, Clothing and Housing a Child?
Yes, and it often means years of sacrifice for parents. Yet a parent may be able to supply only meagre provisions, “a dish of vegetables,” for the family. However, if such are provided “with love,” then, they are better than the best beef served with hatred. Love outweighs good food.
Children thrive on affection—a few words of sympathy over a bruised knee, a warm hug, a pat on the back, or a simple ‘I’m so proud of you!’ Children must see in a way their young minds can understand, genuine warmth and parental concern.
Is It Always the Parents’ Fault if the Child Goes Bad?
Neither parents nor children are perfect. Both will make regrettable mistakes. Though, some parents feel solely at fault when a child goes bad.
Advice is also given to children. If they are to turn out well, they are urged to pay attention to the commandments and discipline of parents.
Some children will ‘despise obedience’ to a parent. One exemplary father of a wayward son remarked: “I have tried and tried to reach his heart. I do not know what to do because I have tried so many things. Nothing has worked.”
But How Can You Love a Child Who Misbehaves?
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It is not easy. However, the quality “fellow feeling” is emphasized in this paragraph. There may often be underlying reasons for a child’s misbehaviour. For instance, one youngster began acting up in school. His concerned father, who talked for hours with the boy, said: “We continued to show him that we cared about him. Then he told us what was wrong.” Other children teased him because of his hearing aid, so he acted up in class to gain their approval.
The father had “fellow feeling” and, after several more warm discussions, the boy’s conduct improved. Years later the boy wrote his parents: “I know I did some things that displeased you but thank you for not giving up on me.” Often frustration, jealousy, repressed anger, fear and insecurity can prompt bad conduct.
What if Your Child Is Born with Some Bad Traits?
Maybe, you see the same weakness in yourself or your mate. This should create “fellow feeling” as well as give you background to offer discerning counsel. For instance, one mother noticed that her nine-year-old was just as withdrawn as she was as a child. “I talked with him about it,” she said, “and mentioned that the way he’s feeling, the things that are going on inside of him, also affected me when I was young. ‘I know how you feel, Rowland, because I’m still working on it,’ I would say. As a result, we have drawn much closer together and he opens up more.
How Can a Parent Know When Something Is Really Troubling a Child?
The feelings and thoughts of a child, his real intentions, lie in his heart like waters at the bottom of a deep well. Hard to get out! It requires discernment to find out out what is in the heart of an individual because a man’s heart is deep. ”Some probing questions may ‘draw up’ such feelings. It takes DISCERNMENT to evaluate when a child is deliberately rebelling and when he is acting out of frustration.
How Important Is It to Teach the Child About God?
A parent must have this relationship with God first. Personal Bible study and meditation are needed.
Your conduct—either good or bad—will teach a child faster and make a deeper impression than anything else. Because of inborn sinfulness, a child will more readily imitate bad habits. So the first step is to take a look at yourself.
Does the Way a Parent Talks to the Child Really Matter?
Yes, it truly does. To illustrate: A startled interviewer asked a five-year-old girl, “Why do you want to be dead?” The sad-eyed tot replied: “Because it would be so peaceful. Mommy wouldn’t be screaming at me all the time.” Children have feelings. A parent’s thoughtless remarks can be devastating. Thoughtless words can stab like a sword because It hurts!
But, the tongue of the wise ones is healing. Build up your child’s self-esteem by genuine commendation. Praise his accomplishments, no matter how small.
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If a child thinks he will get ‘screamed at’ because of his feelings, he will not reveal them. However, even if the thinking of a child is wrong, he should feel free to express himself. One parent said: “Sometimes you feel like exploding inside when the child pours out his heart. But you don’t dare show it or they clam up.”
Try to get into your child’s world, into where his feelings are. Spend five minutes with him as you put him to bed. Talk to him about the things that have made you feel happy, sad, upset or scared. It is important to share not only experiences but also feelings. Above all, listen as your child bears his feelings.
About What Matters Should a Parent Be Firm?
Be firm that a child eats nutritious food, for serious deficiencies could stunt his physical growth. At the same time, do not let your child feed his mind on “garbage” in the form of TV shows, magazines and movies that feature violence and immorality.
Yet the greatest threat to your good instruction is your child’s associates—his peers. If a child becomes a companion to those whose habits are corrupt, be assured that he will usually “get familiar” with such conduct and be ensnared. You have a duty to break up such bad associations. This takes discipline, but when a parent replaces bad associates with good ones or makes his own family activities more interesting, the job becomes much easier.
How Soon Will a Child Develop a Sense of Right and Wrong?
On his own, he may never do it. Experiences have shown that a young child does not know “how to reject the bad and choose the good.”
Does Love Mean Letting the Child Always Do What He Wants?
Many think so. They want to be loved by the child. “I’ll love you,” says the child intimidatingly, “if you give me a lollipop.” Later it may be, “If you let me stay up as late as I want,” “eat what I want” or “run with my own friends.” Parents bend. What are the results? A generation of uncontrolled, insecure youngsters. Disciplining a child is out of love.” Discipline means instruction that molds or corrects. It builds character and gives security.
What if a Child Does Not Listen to Discipline?
Chastise your son and he will bring you rest and give much pleasure to your soul. Chastisement involves punishment. It may be a literal spanking or the denial of a cherished privilege. This will teach him a vital lesson—respect for authority. Importantly, set loving yet firm, boundaries regarding acceptable behaviour.
There is no need for a parent to dishearten himself with guilt over what has happened in the past. Concern yourself with what you can do now to help your child.
OTHER QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN A CHILD MISBEHAVES
Are you feeling well?
Do you feel I am being unfair? Why?
Are you having problems at school?
Do you feel under too much strain?
Do you just feel gloomy?
Are you getting along with your friends?
Do you feel I expect too much of you?
Is there some way I can help?