Some say that as a woman unless your husband is physically abusing you, stay in your matrimonial home no matter the intensity of the wrong he may be doing to you. Stay married!
The higher the number of NO, the better the relationship:
- Is he verbally abusive to you?
- Does he cheat on you with different ladies.
- And is bold to the extent that these ladies now come to your matrimonial home?
- Is he negligent towards you and the children?
- Has he fallen out of love with you and you two now live like strangers?
- Do you soak your pillow with your own tears every night?
- Did the doctor’s report come in that your blood pressure is high?
- Are you now questioning your own sanity?
- Do you constantly wonder what sort of life is it that you are living?
- Is YES your answer to questions 1- 9?
Are people even helping?
A married woman in this situation, gets fed up and wants out of the marriage. The people around her will convince her to stay, pray and fight for her home. That as long as her husband does not hit her, then there is no reason to move out.
We still downplay the extremity of mental/psychological abuse in Nigeria. We say that as long as the scars are not visible, why, it means there are no scars at all. So we wrap mental/psychological abuse up and tape it with a “forgive and forget” message. We therefore send the woman away with a “go and pray for your home” postcard. Kpam-kpam! We have done our part!
Yet these real life stories surround us. Like cloth on your neighbor’s back. Stories of how a faithful wife got infected with sexually transmitted infections/diseases by her cheating spouse. You have heard of these wives been kicked out by the husband who replaced them with another woman. Stories where the wife, drowned in grief and much thinking succumbed to high blood pressure and died. Really sad and unfortunate!
I know you have heard testimonies of where “God reconciled a broken home after 26 years of separation”. While it is true that there is no situation God cannot change, whoever will change must first totally surrender to God. Pray tell, how does a husband who strongly doesn’t see anything wrong in cheating on his legal wife and even boasts about his concubines, a husband who is comfortable in treating his wife like a used rag, how does such husband change if he doesn’t surrender to God first?
So what about the wife? What should she do?
Well, if she is still insistent on reconciling with her errant husband, she should continue in prayer for him safely far away from the home that causes her so much grief and tension. In one word, she can separate from him.
This is not to glamourise the breaking of a matrimony. A divorce usually happens when one partner is fed up of the other partner’s unwillingness to work things out as well. It takes two to tango.
Now Real Talk
If the tables were turned, if the woman constantly cheated on her husband with different men, if she neglected the children, if she stopped having sex with her husband, if she stopped cooking in the house, verbally abused and disrespected her husband at will … if a married woman does all of these and the husband says he is fed up and wants out of the marriage, will you advice the man to go and pray and fight for his home?
Or will you tell him to kick the unfaithful woman out?